Monday, April 15, 2013

Nitra Gipson Author of "The Real Verdict-My Quest For the Freedom I Never Had".

The Real Verdict
My Quest For the Freedom I Never Had
 Written by Nitra Gipson

My Review of her book:

I love that before each Chapter she gives you a little insight, some mindful advise as to how to look at things, and how to handle things. Its like as Nitra, who to her family and friends; prefers to go by Nene, is trying to Counsel the reader as she writes her words and opens up to us as the reader. This is something that right from the get go; I could tell that she feels compassion in her quest to heal others who are and have gone through similar ordeals such as herself! 

By the title of her book, I wasn't sure what I was in for, even when I spoke to her, and bought it for my Kindle. From her Twitter page, she suggests opening up about Child Abuse, and Speaking Out, but yet the Cover speaks about Law and the You Tube Trailer has a gavel. So I was anxious to get started. And believe it or not, I started on the book around noon and finished it around seven in the same evening. I couldn't put it down! 

From the start, you are reading, and you are following along and the most unbelievable part is that you are right there with Nene, she is so young. If you are anything like me, I use my imagination when I read. I become the character, and I can feel what they feel and even see my surroundings and honestly sometimes I get emotional, just as I would through a Movie. 

As I am reading, I love her relationship that she has with her Mother, and her older brother. I feel bad for Nene, she has Asthma, and is sick quite often, and feels like a burden sometimes. But she envelopes the protection of her older brother and Mother. 
Nene's sister and Mother, three beautiful women!
As the story goes she has a Grand Mother, her Mothers Mother and step Grand Father. Her Mother has several siblings, If I remember correctly a Sister and a Brother. The brother, Uncle Will spends a lot of time getting in trouble and in and out of the "System." However, he is honest, and always tells the truth, when he does do something wrong.

On the other hand, the Grand Parents, do not tell the truth. The Step Grand Father takes advantage of Nene, and because she is so young and innocent, mind you she is only three, she isn't even certain what exactly is happening. He threatens her afterwards, that if she tells anyone, he will have to hurt her Mother. Now mind you, the Grand Father and Grand Mother also run a business, therefore they have money, so when the time comes that anyone needs money, they want to, and make certain that they are the first to give it. They want to be known as the ones who help the family!

Nene's Mother, who is no longer with the Father of her and her Brother, does get together with another man and she does have more Children. Eventually Nene has a little Sister, and Nene takes care of her, and takes her under her wing, because she doesn't want anything happening to her.
Nene's sister, cousin & brother! Beautiful Smiles all around!
Nene hides all of her deep darkest secrets "under a blanket." At one point she did try to tell her Grand Mother what had happened, but her Grand Mother just told her she was dreaming, and then proceeded to call her a liar.

I don't want to reveal the whole story here. But I will tell you that I ended up hating her Grand Parents, especially the Step Grand Father.

Once the story leads you to the part of Uncle Will, I cried. I felt so much anger, so much pain. I know that Nene had to of been crying as she even wrote it. It is a very unfair section, and very heart felt.
The last photo Nene received from Will in his last letter to her.

Then once the story gets to the part where she sells her car, you will get angry. It is truly unbelievable. Reading between the lines of the book, I knew exactly why it happened, and I wanted so badly to climb through the pages and tell someone exactly how I felt! 
Nene, her Mom, Uncle, sister and her Brother! Again: Beautiful Smiles!

At the end, you will learn, the purpose in the title. And at that point, once you put everything together, all of your emotions, you too will understand and relate to everything Nitra went through, and why she is so head strong in telling others to speak out. 

Here are my Interview Questions to Nitra Gipson:

1. Did you use every one's real names in the book, or did you give them aliases? 
 To protect the privacy of all individuals, I used aliases and it made it much easier to write my truth.

2. Have you since been into that store, and if so, what if anything happened? 
 No, I've never ever been back to that store and don't plan to.
Nene & the love of her life, her Fiance!
3. Did your family ever find out where Uncle Will was buried?If you did, have you since visited his grave? If you haven't; do you intend to find his place of burial to at least make sure e was properly laid to rest?
With my mother's help, we found where he was buried, but we haven't visited his plot. We drove all the way there and didn't go look for it. It was a scary place, filled with crosses marked with numbers. They gave us a map of the place and circled his plot, but it wasn't there. We did manage to find some information about his actual resting place. We have the address, which is much closer to us. Unfortunately we haven't attempted to visit the place. We will at a better time.

4. I remember you mentioning Uncle Will had a Sister. Have you ever been in contact with her again?
He has a biological sister, he never was able to find. She was adopted with him but at some point shortly after the adoption process, she was taken away. He searched for her himself for as long as I can remember and was never able to find her. He told us that she was adopted into another family and her name was changed. He was never able find out her name. We've since had no more luck than he had.

5. Did you, or do you plan on marrying Colin?
Colin and I are still engaged. We haven't set a date yet but we plan to set one this year. My younger sister is getting married in June and we didn't want to have 2 weddings in the same year.

6. IF its possible, can you share with me a photo of your Mother & maybe even Colin and your brother and sister? If not, it's OK, I completely understand.
I would love to. I will send them to you in a different email.

7. Have you been on any book tours yet?
I haven't yet but I plan to after all the wedding plans for my sister are squared away. But very soon I will.

8. Are your Grand Mother and step Grand Father still alive, and if so, what did they think of the book? Did they go off on you, disown you, or what if anything happened?
Oh gosh! I don't know how to begin. Well they both are very much still alive and married. They haven't went off on me directly because they haven't had an opportunity to do so. However, they tried their manipulation games to make everyone hate me. My book brought up more secrets and lies about my family involving them, so everyone started to really see who they were and the things they've done to people. My grandmother first admitted to my mother and uncle that she remembered all of the events they recalled to her in the book and planned to leave him that night they confronted her. The next two days everything changed! Can you believe it! Of course not, that's typical of her. That's when she began to say I was lying, my sister was lying. My younger cousin revealed to me that he also molested her after he was confronted about my sister. My mom asked her after, are all of them lying on him? She said "yes", "he told me what happened and I believe him!" It never ends with them! I could seriously write another book about the aftermath of the first one.

9. Now that you have released your book, all of your friends and family, now that they know every detail of your life, what have some of them said to you? Give me a few references, feel free to change their names if you wish.
Everyone was sympathetic to what happened to me. My uncle told me he understood me a lot more. Especially the behaviors of mine he witnessed. I was always distant to them (grandmother). I would go months and months without talking to her and they would tell me, I should call her and check up on her. I always blew it off like "whatever". He never understood but he said it all makes sense now. All of my friends were shocked but they knew I didn't have the best relationship with them and they all said they understand now. One friend in particular told me, she always thought to herself, "why would she hate her own grandmother and treat her that way"? She says she completely understands and she would feel the same way if it happened to her.

10. Because of all the stress and turmoil you all went through, your siblings, and yourself, did any of you (this is up to you if you want to answer this!) become addicted to alcohol or drugs? Or do you only know what you went through?
We never became addicts, although we were predisposed to it. Each of us thank God we didn't stray too far away from the right things because we know how the outcome could have been. We've all been treated for PTSD, depression, and anxiety. We regularly see our psychologists and psychiatrists. We're still dealing with these issues but were trying to deal with them the right way. Even more since the book was published.

11. Is your family still close knit to this day, or have you became distant?

My mother, aunt, and uncle does not communicate with their mother anymore, which I think is hard for them.   I'm still very close to my mother, sister, brother and younger cousin. Most of us talk everyday, especially my sister. I still talk to my uncle as much as possible. I consider those relationships real family relationships, they were never artificial. 
12. Did the release of your truth to your Mother, complicate everything? Being honest here, did she ask you: "Why didn't you tell me this from the beginning, you told me everything else! Why did you keep this locked up inside?!" 
It only made it more complicated because my mother had her own issues that I didn't become aware of until later. She never asked me why I never told because I told her before she could even ask, that she took away my hope when she didn't handle it properly with my sister. I told her that was an opportunity for her to really save the both of us and a missed opportunity for me to tell her.  My siblings and I are now working on our relationship with our mother because we feel there are some underlying issues with her and her mother. Even after all that went on with us, she still longed for a relationship with her mother. We could never understand it. We later found out the reason for that and it change a lot. I wish I could say more but to respect my mother's privacy, I'd rather not say. What I can say is, my family abuse was generational and most are. I thought my grandmother was bad toward my sister and I but she was even worse to my mother and aunt. They are perfect examples of Stockholm's. 
13. Do you still have nightmares?
Yes I do but not as often as I used to.

14. Did you pay to have the record removed from your history?
They record was removed and no I didn't pay to have it removed. Some extra work for the attorneys.

15. How is your relationship with your Father now? (A pic of him too would be cool!)
My relationship with my dad became distant because of the things I learned about him during the course of my writing. I'm really trying to figure out what our relationship should be now. It's difficult to explain without telling the entire story and at some point when I'm more comfortable about it, I will talk more about it. It's just hard right now. 

16. Do you have any regrets?
In the beginning I felt like everyone blamed me for speaking out. I felt as though they thought that I was stirring the pot to cause problems, when actually it was therapeutic for me. I lifting a huge burden off my shoulders, so that I could actually live to be a better person. Then I could help others live to be better. Before I was trying to do that but I realized I couldn't do it the right way because I completely forgot about myself. I really was pushed into thinking I tore my family apart because I was being selfish. I regret those thoughts and feeling. I didn't tare apart anything, it was never really a real family. I had to do what I did or else it would have been another child's innocence, or anything else bad. Nothing positive would've came from me continuing to be silent. Being silent was selfish and speaking out was unselfish. I had to really define the two in my life and make a choice.  Everyone was so controlled by my grandmother and her husband, that they couldn't even see it themselves. 

17. Did you forget to put anything in the book that you wished you would have remembered, after you sent it to the Publisher?
Not really. My memory of things were very clear. I remembered more bad memories than good ones, which is better for me therapeutically. I can write away the bad ones and keep the good ones! That's how I think of it. So much more happened after I published the book and I could have included more of those stories but I plan to continue to write. I write everyday so I'm sure I will be publishing another book soon. 

18. Did you pay to have your book Published yourself, or did someone buy it and publish it for you? Yes I paid to self-publish.  

19. What do you recommend to Abused Children?
There's so much I could recommend to abused children. I still can remember being in their position. It's a feeling that will never go away. But the most important thing is to tell someone when you're being hurt. And if you're not sure if your being hurt, ask someone. Ask a teacher, a nurse, a friend, an aunt, or uncle, anyone. "Ask" and "tell "if you're being hurt. There is people in the world that can help protect you, but they will never know the level of protection you need or who you need protection from unless you "Ask" and "Tell". 

20. What do you recommend to Abused Children, that are now adults, who have never opened their Mouth about it?
I recommend them to speak out, like I did. Silence is painful. It's never to late to speak your truth. Being silent is holding yourself accountable for the actions of someone else. Your abuser must be held accountable for their actions. I had to figure that out, and now that I'm at this point in my life dealing with my abuse, I realize that if I've done that earlier, I may have saved some other children from abuse. I allowed this man to be around all these other children, without letting their parents know what this man was capable of doing. I didn't allow those parents to make informed decisions when protecting their own children. As adults we have a duty to protect our children because they can't protect themselves from adults. If no one was there to protect you, then be a protector. You will do more harm than good by staying silent.

21. There is a theory, this has been said over and over through out "The System" that "Children who grow up abused in any way shape or form, will be also grow up abusing their own Children!" I want to know your personal feelings on this "Statistic."
Well I don't totally agree with that statement because its biased. Although their are some abused children, who grow up and abuse their children, most of them don't. I think they are more predisposed to abusing their children but that doesn't mean that they will abuse their children. I see it this way, statistics are numbers based on reports, and if reports are not made then those statistics aren't as accurate. So for everyone unreported case of child abuse, that's another child that may become a parent and will never abuse their child. We would never know because it was never reported. Most child abuse victims may never report their abuse and no one would even know they were abused. However, I do feel that if an adult was abused as a child and never dealt with their own abuse are more likely than not to deal with their child abuse if their child was to be abused.

22. Do you have any Children as of yet, and do you plan or want to have any Children?
I don't have children yet, it's something I'm still struggling with. I'm sure I will one day, I have a few years to decide.

Please share with me all of your links to see your book, order your book, and contact you, so that the readers here can order your book, and reach you if they need to:
I have 2 websites dedicated to my book.
All versions of my book can be purchased on either website. My book is available at all major book outlets online. 
 I can be best contacted through email or my website.
Any additional information you would like to share:
I'm here for those who want or need help with issues like my own and aren't sure of where to turn. I'm open to all questions from anyone, good or bad. I hope that my story can help someone or many. I truly mean that from the heart. This is something I am very passionate about and I will never stop trying to change lives and/or save lives.

In closing from me:
I would like to add that I found Nene to be quite friendly, outgoing, and not here to make a name for herself. She is a wonderful woman. I feel that to be quite honest with you, she honestly would love to change the World. In my eyes, she feels that everything she went through has bettered her, and she has learned from it, and because of it, she can help others. And with all of it, she has made it her own personal goals in life.

Child Abuse Information:

National Child Abuse Help Line:

Nene, personally I look forward to your next book! I also look forward to keeping in contact with you! You are a wonderful woman, and I thank you for your time!